On a lovely autumn day I, Iris Romijn, walked through the park at the end of the day, enjoying the scents and beautiful colors that autumn brings. Walking in nature to clear my head and end the working day is something I do regularly. Only now during that walk I observed something that triggered me as a person, but certainly also as a Labor and Health Advisor.
Parked in front of a beautiful house in the park were two caddies from a painting company, with a person on each side of them who appeared to work for this company. "Are you going to say anything else? You need to listen Ben, you need to listen. You are busy with far too many things at once. Monday, Wednesday, Thursday and also Saturday. This can't go on like this. You really can't. I'm completely done with it. Well, do you say anything else?"
This was a flurry of conversation (insofar as it could be called a conversation) that I caught in passing. It made the hairs on the back of my neck stand straight up. The raised voice, forward movements and wild hand gestures I observed made me perceive the speaker's posture as intimidating. The other seemed to seek protection from his car, half-hanging against it, without saying a word.
What was the goal of the person who seemed to be having this conversation? Will this goal have been achieved? What was going on inside that person? All kinds of questions popped up in me. And what does this do to the other person? At this moment, but also later. Will this benefit the working relationship and his employability or could it have the opposite effect?
Disrupted working relationship
I don't know what prompted this conversation. What I do know is that if there is a problem, this is not the way to reach a solution. Starting a conversation in the way I observed rarely leads to the desired result. Perhaps the person will change his behavior as a result, but at the same time this event has disrupted something in the working relationship. Because when you are being ranted at like this, what do you think happens to your sense of security, trust, motivation and commitment? Doing damage on these fronts will not have been the purpose of the conversation, will it?
When you want to change someone's behavior and at the same time keep a good relationship, you do that by really talking to someone. Not by ranting at them. And you do this in a safe and familiar environment, not in a public place with unwanted listeners. In addition, it is nice when someone does not feel overwhelmed, is asked open questions and listens to them with an open mind and attitude.
Some tips that can contribute to a good conversation:
- Be clear to yourself and the other person about the purpose of the conversation;
- Dare to confront, but don't attack someone. Name an observation/fact, tell what it does to you and then ask the other person an open question about it. Be direct, clear and firm and not afraid of perhaps being found unkind for a moment;
- Ask questions out of interest and curiosity;
- Listen to what the other person has to say, without reacting or judging directly. Give time and space for this and try to understand what is being said. Is that not working? Ask a deeper question;
- Steer toward coming up with a solution. Name the desired change and give the other person space to come up with an idea of how this can be realized. Make sure this is made concrete;
- Summarize what was discussed and what agreements were made and check with the other person to see if what you are saying is true for the other person.
Of course, there are all sorts of other tips and tricks that can contribute to having a good conversation. These include proper preparation, creating the right setting, certain questioning and conversation techniques and ways to connect with the other person. For me as a Labor and Health Advisor , the prerequisites for a good conversation are fairly obvious; they may not be for everyone. How do you approach it when you want to discuss something with someone? Do you think about the right time, an appropriate location and providing space for the other person to respond? What about the way you phrase your message and your body language? I'm curious!
De Arbodienst provides support
Would you also like to get support from Iris, for example, in how to tackle difficult topics of conversation without disrupting the working relationship? Then contact De Arbodienst for more information, our employability team will be happy to come and help you!
